It's funny. When I was a kid I loved nothing more than playing video games. As I grew up I realized there was so much more to life than playing games. Amazingly I had a great life, but felt like I wanted to play the dating game again. However, I now realize that I have no desire to play any games in my life. Games truly are for kids. I have played the dating game for three years now and have once again realized there is so much more to life. Unfortunately, unlike a video game I have realized that you cannot turn off this game and escape to the reality I know exists out in the world. You must master every level of the dating game to end it. I have played the first parts of this game so frequently I can navigate it with my with my eyes closed. Unfortunately, I never make it to the next level no matter how much I want to. But I feel I am keeping myself from winning. As I play the game I cling to hope, hope that I may someday be able to turn the game off, and repair the life I ruined when I chose to embark on the heartwrenching dreadful game. Unfortunately, I have little to no control at moving forwards or backwards into the game or out of it.

I know this is a large metaphor, but my life seems like a path mirroring so many metaphors lately.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Taylor Swift - Christmases when you were mine.

Please take down the misletoe
Cause I don't wanna think about that right now
Cause everything I want is miles away
In a snow covered little town
My momma's in the kitchen, worrying about me
Season's greetings, hope you're well
Well I'm doing alright
If you were wondering
Lately I can never tell

I know this shouldn't be a lonely time
But there were Christmases when you were mine

I've been doing fine without you, really
Up until the nights got cold
And everybody's here, except you, baby
Seems like everyone's got someone to hold

But for me it's just a lonely time
Cause there were Christmases when you were mine

Merry Christmas everybody
That'll have to be something I just say this year
I'll bet you got your mom another sweater
And were your cousins late again
When you were putting up the lights this year
Did you notice one less pair of hands

I know this shouldn't be a lonely time
But there were Christmases when I didn't wonder how you are tonight
Cause there were Christmases when you were mine

You were mine


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Due West Rd,Dallas,United States

My favorite song (right now)

So there are a couple of songs I am addicted to. They are the melodical embodyment of how I have felt for a while now, a long while. I still feel very alone and I honestly believe that the answer to the solitude is forever now out of my grasps thanks to my own ignorance.

ME AGAIN
by Uncle Kracker
Feat. Jesse Lee

Hey it’s me, again
I’m just checkin’ in
Wonderin’ how you’ve been
Yeah it’s been awhile
Nothin’ much has changed
I hope you’re doin’ okay
I just called to say
You’ve been on my mind

And I hope the next time you fall in love
You get everything you’ve been dreamin’ of
You deserve a happiness that sees no end
But next time you fall in love
I hope it’s with me again

Well baby I could lie
Say that I’m doin’ great
Truth is I miss the way
I feel when I’m with you

And I hope the next time you fall in love
You get everything you’ve been dreamin’ of
You deserve a happiness that sees no end
But next time you fall in love
I hope it’s with me again

Cause you and I were never meant to be apart
What we had is better than where we are
I promise that I’ll never leave you in the dark

Baby I miss you

Yeah, I hope the next time you fall in love
You get everything you’ve been dreamin’ of
Yeah, I hope the next time you fall in love
I give you everything you’ve been dreamin’ of
I’ll give you a happiness that sees no end
The next time you fall in love
I hope it’s with me again
Me again



-- Posted from my iPhone

Long drives cause this.

I HATE LONG DRIVES ALONE!!!!!! I need an audiobook, too much silence and radio makes me think too much. There is way too much I don't want to think about.

It's been two months now and I can't shake it .....Her. I was so stupid almost three years ago, and I am paying for it so much now. The first year was the worst year I've ever had, hands down by far. The only highlights that year was whenever I was allowed to pretend I was happy again and not an idiot. Those moments were far, few between, and couldn't have been shorter.

Fast forward to year two and I have almost not a single happy memory save Sunday mornings at church. This ended in me doing what I do best, messing up something good. BUT THEN, everything turned around, I saw myself smile at the past that seemed to mold itself into the future. I believe they call it dreaming. Because I was forced against my will to wake up and return to a third year of paying for my single largest mistake.
I now face a life of constant anguish, there is a room I refuse to complete for fear of memories....nightmares. I remember very few things well, but I could paint my bedroom inch by inch how it appeared on a cold January morning in 2007. I do not think I will ever shower in my old shower again for fear of what I may walk out to.....yet again an empty room with proof of my stupidity laying lifelessly on the floor in front of a black couch where my ignorance came full circle.

So now I find myself in a life where I know that true happiness is in the smile that haunts my ever waking dream with it's warm yet taunting stare. My heart is confined in an eternal prison that only
let's the occasional dim Ray of light heat the lonely air around it. And my mind only rests and finds ease in the memory of what was and races away at the thought of what will never be.

 At this I keep myself closed from those that want more. It's not fair to give or show a heart that is still no mine to present. When an hour goes by that I do not think of the blue eyes that I always feel
peering in my heart, mind, and dreams, only then will I maybe be able to move forward with the life that once was mine.

The only problem is I still do not want that to ever happen.

This Woman Really Gets It

So if you had of told me 36 hours ago that this is how my next 36 hours were going to play out, I would have said yeah right and secretly prayed that it did.

I have in the last day and a half spent all of my waking hours with a person that REALLY gets it. I mean she honestly understands the world and her place in it, and she knows me. She hasn't seen me in about 10 years or ever really known me, but DAMN she gets me. I have talked to her about every subject that there is to talk about, and I feel like I could talk to her about every other subject there is in this world and I would never get bored. And I will be honest, I am blown away by how charismatic she is. For once in my life I am not saying I am in love, this is something different. This is a feeling of pure awe, it is a feeling like I don't know how to describe. She is beautiful, she is nice (but only as nice as she needs to be), her passion is life, she has vices but not any of the kind that cannot be overcame, she knows how to love, and she knows how to accept and control it. I don't know what I am saying or how to say it, but I can sum it all up.......WOW. lol.

That is all for now. I hope to see how her life plays out. For this could be interesting to see, but I definitely want to see it.

Green Waffles, Dr Suess Eat Your Heart Out

I have always wanted to eat Green Eggs and Ham. But thanks to the wonders of one St. Patrick, I am celebrating his life with Green Waffles. I am now on day two of Green Fest 2009, Also known as Savannah GA. So far it has been great. The people we are here with are fun and the scenery is great. WOW!!! Ok, SEGWAY.

I just had a girl walk out of the bathroom and say she needed a pair of panties. I was honestly speechless. I have never had this happen while out of town. This was interesting.

Ok, back to the story. So I have been uploading videos and pictures to myspace as well as to Steve and I's QIK.com pages. http://qik.com/wayner83 and http://qik.com/ssclayton4012 . So we are about to go to the parade and then we will begin to drink and have fun. This should be great.

UPDATE LATER

What was I thinking? No really, I can never remember!!!

Ok, so I think tomorrow I am going to start writing down every thought I have that I feel is out there, or different, or I want to share. I feel that I have hundreds of important thoughts that I never get broadcasted into the world. Well maybe this is a way to change that. Maybe you all should try this as well. Earlier I was thinking that I wonder if it is possible to marry Kelly Clarkson, and if it is, How can I do it. Things like this are important. lol.

I am a work of art, I just have to reveal it from the crap it is now.

Ok, so I havent done so good at this whole blogging thing so far. I skipped yesterday. Oh well. So some stuff has came up in the last few days.

First: My job is officially over April 24th, not my career, just my job.

Second: I love Tasheena Carter with all of my heart, if I had it my way I would have already married her. But she is in a relationship she isnt happy with but refuses to get out, and even if she does it doesnt mean she comes back to my dumbass. So in light of this i am stuck. Do I keep waiting and let her know I am here, or do I pursue that which excites me. I have already made a huge turn in my life to get past the largest crush I have ever had (Marla). But I dont know if I can convince myself to do that with her. But at the same time as I told one of my best friends:
I cannot stand still and watch all that is great in the world pass me by. I know there are other fish in the sea, some that may even taste better. But I am holding out for the one I hooked and let go. But if I wait too long, then I may never catch it because it is too far away and I I may not have the right bait anymore to catch those other great fish.

Third: I am realizing that I am a work of art, only I have yet to be sculpted to the greatness I could be. I am dieting but am doing it smartly, cutting back portions, and eating less unhealthy stuff and drinking only water. I figure that, along with situps, pushups, and a little cardiovasculare excersize will sculpt me well. I am also going to get a tan like i havent had in 5 or 6 years. I figure no matter what fish I am trying to catch, better bait will help.

This is all for now. I will add more tomorrow.

Day One, Blog 2

So as of right now I am simply blogging to my self to air my thoughts. I am now at the office (at 3:22 pm), but that is simply because I was able to get so much more done from my home office. But my buyer wants to talk about a few things for the coming weeks, so here I am.

So I think that I am beggining to scare a few of my friends. I (he who knows no religion) has started going to church and trying to live a more positive christian (style) life. I do not know why hoenstly, but I like it. Starting my day and week off with Church honestly brings a sense of collectiveness and calm to my otherwise chaotic life.

My First Blog

Ok, so I have always wanted to Blog, well now here it is. This will not be broadcasted to everyone as I do intend to use this to be an innermost look at my life. But I think this will be a good way to analyze my life and the chaos that is in it.